Letters to Jo
by bilius
Summary: Our favorite characters write letters of concern to none other than their creator, J.K Rowling, on important issues of their love lives, their appearance, and many more. Read & Review please.
1. Author's Note

**Author's note:**

First of all, I would like to thank you all for actually reading my abysmal attempt at writing fanfiction. I really do appreciate your kindness (all "constructive" criticism is welcome – however, no flames, please).

Second of all, please keep in mind that this is just a plot bunny that has attacked me ever since I started reading my sister's "The Princess Diaries" book, and I am not quite sure that this particular fanfiction of mine has any plot at all. I just found this idea terribly amusing and decided to try it out as fanfiction. So … with that said, this might just be a one-time thing, and I'm (as of yet) not sure if I will ever complete it.

Other than that, please enjoy! And leave me some reviews with your ideas and thoughts on ways that I could improve my writing skills.

Thanks!

P.S: Have a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!


	2. The first letter: Ron Weasley

**The first letter: Ron Weasley**

Dear J.K Rowling (can I call you Jo?):

I am writing this letter to express my concern about my love life, or lack thereof. I must let it be known to you that . . . . .oh, bugger this professional talk.

Jo, why the bloody hell am I not getting any? Harry had Cho Chang, and Fleur Delacour, yet I have no one! NO ONE! Well. . .maybe one. . .but that was just one measly kiss from Fleur – on the CHEEK. Do you dislike my character or something? Have I done something to irritate you? I know you're planning this big surprise between me and Hermione, but can it come any sooner? I mean. . .I'm what? 15? 16? years old now, and I've gotten as much action as Neville's toad. My hormones are raging – I don't know how much longer I can go on without being on the receiving end.

As for pairing me up with Hermione, could you please do something about her bushy hair before it actually happens? I know, I know. . ."Ronald Weasley! You shouldn't judge a girl based on her looks", but, come _on_, looks play an important role these days (go look at some of those music videos on MTV. . .wow!). Sure, Hermione's a great girl and all, and I think she's pretty. . .but the hair has _got _to go. I'm afraid it'll come alive and suffocate me when I _do_ kiss her.

I don't care how you get me and Hermione together, as long as you do it soon.

I hope my pleas have been heard.

Yours truly,

R. Weasley.


	3. RE: Ron Weasley

**RE: Ron Weasley**

Dear Ron:

I was very offended by your letter – of course I will be pairing you up with Hermione sometime very soon. Have I ever let you down in the past? I allowed you to come out of Aragog's nest alive, did I not?

However, I have been brewing up a surprise event in your relationship with her. Obviously, just because you two are one of the main characters in my book will not mean that you will not have to suffer through rocky moments of your "perfect" relationship. No, no relationship is perfect, of course. So, I've written a segment in which you get more than you asked for:

_Perhaps Ron had had one too many Butterbeers, or maybe someone had slipped him too many Firewhiskeys, because Ron did not remember how he had managed to end up in a room at the Leaky Cauldron. He groggily lifted his head to inspect his surroundings: the candles were burning out, casting an eerily glow around the room, which he noticed, had only one bed, the one which he was currently lying on. He also noticed there was a faint, yet distinctive odor of perfume that could only belong to a woman. _

"Hey sleepy-head. Ready for more?"

Ron nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of that voice. . .that voice he only knew too well. It awakened him from his drunken stupor, and for a split second, Ron realized, to his terror, that his clothes had magically disappeared.

"Uh. . ." Ron said, unable to string together a sentence. Dreading what he was going to see, he slowly turned his head around, and what he saw nearly made him scream.

There was a silhouette of a very attractive, and very curvy outline of a woman's body, covered only by the thin bed sheets. Heart thumping madly, he forced his eyes to wander upwards towards the woman's face. . .only to come face to face with none other than. . .

_Pansy Parkinson._

_Now, he really did scream._

How was _that_, my dear Ronniekins? You'll be on the receiving end during the seventh book, no doubt about it (however, I fear you'll also be on the receiving end of Hermione's wrath). Please keep in mind that _I _am the one with the computer, and also, the power to change your future. If you have any further negotiations, I will be more than happy to discuss the necessary changes.

With love,

Jo

**Author's note: J.K Rowling did _not _write the above letter, or the segment of the seventh book. She contributed nothing to this story except for her wonderful characters. So please, do not sue me, or pester me asking me if the above segment is true. EVERYTHING IS MADE UP by the means of my mind.**


	4. Letter from St Mungo's

**Important document from St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries  
**

Ms. Joanne K. Rowling  
19 Londonville Street  
Block 65  
Manchester, England

Dear Ms. Joanne K. Rowling:

It has come to our attention that your character, Ronald Bilius Weasley, has been admitted into St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries on account of a backfired spell, inducing him into fits of hysterical laughter and uncontrollable giggling.

We do not, as of yet, know the sole cause of his self-produced spell that has managed to temporarily destroy his sanity. However, we are led to believe that an incident occurring between Mr. R. Weasley and yourself, may have contributed to his current state.

On behalf of Mrs. Molly Weasley, we are asking you to submit a proof of evidence that you are innocent and have had nothing to do with the insanitation of Mr. R. Weasley by no later than February 22. If you choose not toreply to this incident within the time period, we will have to ask you to deliver yourself in court, at the Ministry of Magic on June 22.

We thank you for your cooperation,

Healer Rousseau Moscovitz  
Hakim-Baba Ward (Ward 46)  
Fourth Floor: Spell Damage  
St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries


End file.
